Pie

My favorite part about this poem is that I can taste it; heavy, thick, and rich. I also like the effect you've created with the way the first and last lines could be read together, apart from the middle, as one sentence. The middle section is like the juicy filling between the solid sections of crust. Your form is quite functional and fitting, and though I have seen it before, I enjoyed the way you used it for this piece.

Your poem is something to savor; the more I consider it, the more it says to me. It is an excellent, evocative description of making apple pie from scratch after picking the apples.

On to the critique, I don't particularly feel that ending your lines with "of," "for," "and," and "with" is particularly effective, perhaps consider moving those words down to the next line? I'm of the opinion that the last word of a line should linger in the reader's mind and carry impact.

I see the predicament with ending the first line with "of" as it has to flow in to the last line, and the same with the second to last line ending in "with." I'm not sure what exactly you could do without reworking a few lines, which would be unfortunate as the piece is quite lovely the way it is.

Lovely piece, I'm going to <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/p/p…" width="15" height="16" alt="" title="+fav"/> it. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/m/m…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title="Meow :3"/>