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Poetry by 91816119

All The Poets Come To Life by flummo

Literature by Tyrison


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Submitted on
October 6, 2012
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i. As a child, confronting giants.

I take the pine tree as my totem,
learn to love the nakedness of its nether-regions
and its northerly fibers stretched and waiting
for the weft to its warp.

Girlhood is still a part of me as the
learning what I am. In the end,
I haven't climbed a tree in a long time;
I am small, and scared, and ringed round with walls,
and I beg the moon to teach me
to use my pine trees as a ladder.

ii. In the way only young love can.

You, sir—
you are pine chips, and I carry you
like a fetish in my mind.

You are the first vampiric sweetness
to suck the breath from my body:
unknowing, the feeling of yearning;
I am fibrous—celery stalk,
pale and clutching my thread self together.

iii. Transmogrification.

Watch as I petrify,
stretch until my bones
will not bend to let me drink.

With age I become a god,
brittle-boned and cackling; with age
the osteoporosis will leech my fibers dry
and my pine sap blood will freeze in my chest
to keep me warm in winter.

My fingers—blue-green and spindly,
and though never-married my insides
are ringed-round with bands.
And I'll settle down with a cuppa,
tinged with the whisky my grandmother loved so much.

iv. The autumn comes to lead me home.

With no god to forgive me my ghosts,
I sink down into November brown,
and let the wood-rot take my roots.
EDIT: MEEP featured as a DLD on 12/6/2012. Thank you so much to ~SurrealCachinnation for suggesting and =SilverInkblot for featuring!

I dunno how I feel about this one. I was feeling the pine trees, but I also wanted to write something for my 100 Poem Project topic "voodoo," which I've written into a lot of poems, but which I haven't had as the main sort of "theme."

Comments appreciated!

I'd love critique on the following:
1) I'm not entirely sure about the imagery in section 3. I love the giraffe image, and I feel like I can really ONLY say what I mean with that image, but it JUST DOESN'T FIT. Thoughts?
2) How's the flow?
3) I don't normally title my sections, but it felt right, somehow, in this piece. Do they work? Do they help build the story, detract from it, or do they seem meaningless?

Critique for :iconthewrittenrevolution::[link]
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Professional Writer
:wave: Hi! Your piece has been featured as inspiration in #Lit-Visual-Alliance's Seventh Allied Artwork Feature! Please :+fav: the article to bring attention to the feature. Thank you for being a part of the Alliance! :salute:
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:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you m'dear!
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:icondweckie:
dweckie Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Student Writer
This is a really beautiful piece, very enjoyable to read (: :heart:
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:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aww, thanks :) I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012   General Artist
There are just so many gorgeous lines! :love:
Congratulations on the DLD, darling! :clap:
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:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:) Thank you!
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012   General Artist
Of course, azi darling! :glomp:
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist

You are the first vampiric sweetness
to suck the breath from my body:
unknowing, the feeling of yearning;
I am fibrous—celery stalk,
pale and clutching my thread self together.


--quite lovely

a nice piece all around :)
Reply
:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much :)
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: [link]

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
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