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Literature Text
Sunlight,
a tragedy of knuckles across
sweat-streaked faces
heralds the blossoming
onslaught of civilization.
Ours is a history
Of Sun Kings and blade edges
borne in balled hands -
thin burning petals to remind
the baking, charcoal ground
of the place of thumbnails
over insects.
a tragedy of knuckles across
sweat-streaked faces
heralds the blossoming
onslaught of civilization.
Ours is a history
Of Sun Kings and blade edges
borne in balled hands -
thin burning petals to remind
the baking, charcoal ground
of the place of thumbnails
over insects.
I'm going to go with "sociopolitical" on this one. I'm in classes on Native American history, African American history before 1865, and Gender and Imperialism this semester. People are assholes.
This is my ACTUAL REAL SUBMISSION to the DLD Fists, Flowers, and Fire contest.
I'm much more pleased with the "suggestions" of things in this attempt.
All comments to the effect of flow, imagery, and in particular UNDERSTANDABILITY appreciated. I hope this makes sense.
Any thoughts on tightening this up?
This is my ACTUAL REAL SUBMISSION to the DLD Fists, Flowers, and Fire contest.
I'm much more pleased with the "suggestions" of things in this attempt.
All comments to the effect of flow, imagery, and in particular UNDERSTANDABILITY appreciated. I hope this makes sense.
Any thoughts on tightening this up?
Comments5
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I'm with =Vigilo – "a tragedy of knuckles" is an amazing line. I love the conflict of images and the sense of violence tinged by inevitability and weary sadness – it reminds me a little of a scene at the end of Pocahontas. (the disney film). I love all the B-type sounds in the second stanza – blade edges / borne in balled hands / burning petals / baking. Lovely. 
And "thumbnails over insects" – brilliant brilliant finish. It's pieces like this that make me marvel at what can be fit into 50 words – the length doesn't even come into it while reading because it's so self-contained and complete.
Wonderful, and good luck in the contest! (though I shall not be surprised if you place!)
And "thumbnails over insects" – brilliant brilliant finish. It's pieces like this that make me marvel at what can be fit into 50 words – the length doesn't even come into it while reading because it's so self-contained and complete.Wonderful, and good luck in the contest! (though I shall not be surprised if you place!)