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Literature Text
I was a hawk,
a sweeping, broom-winged raptor;
a scent of violent and raw hearts on the air
eating my fill of rabbits—
brown and copper-breath’d,
witch of the western woods
sipping my hemlock-spiked tea.
I distrusted words like “always”—
something about the way the mouth falls open,
the throat muscles that clench, chicken-necked.
Fragility has its dark side,
a biding time, like Snow White
as-yet un-poisoned.
I wonder if you smelled me,
smelled the challenge on my dustland sighs.
I know I could smell the thief on you.
You came from my own forest,
a sleek and curly-haired monster
indigo and antler’d.
You said you hated always, too,
and we smiled our fanged smiles
and readied our claws for the weaknesses we’d found.
So imagine my surprise when
you said the always word yourself—
when I saw your Loki-tongue,
cynical in every tastebud,
rest soft and pink as rabbit innards
against the teeth of your open mouth,
gentle and hoping.
I would not believe you
‘til I felt your pink ocean against my own,
‘til we had become the same color
neither brown nor blue.
To my own astonishment
I have molted and, rabbit-hearted,
take your tongue between my teeth and
do not crush it.
a sweeping, broom-winged raptor;
a scent of violent and raw hearts on the air
eating my fill of rabbits—
brown and copper-breath’d,
witch of the western woods
sipping my hemlock-spiked tea.
I distrusted words like “always”—
something about the way the mouth falls open,
the throat muscles that clench, chicken-necked.
Fragility has its dark side,
a biding time, like Snow White
as-yet un-poisoned.
I wonder if you smelled me,
smelled the challenge on my dustland sighs.
I know I could smell the thief on you.
You came from my own forest,
a sleek and curly-haired monster
indigo and antler’d.
You said you hated always, too,
and we smiled our fanged smiles
and readied our claws for the weaknesses we’d found.
So imagine my surprise when
you said the always word yourself—
when I saw your Loki-tongue,
cynical in every tastebud,
rest soft and pink as rabbit innards
against the teeth of your open mouth,
gentle and hoping.
I would not believe you
‘til I felt your pink ocean against my own,
‘til we had become the same color
neither brown nor blue.
To my own astonishment
I have molted and, rabbit-hearted,
take your tongue between my teeth and
do not crush it.
I'm not used to including something of the erotic. I think it actually went well.
Composed for
I thought I'd go ahead and do something REALLY unexpected
Not really about monsters, obviously - it's a metaphor. But I thought a valentine contest could use a little darkness.
EDIT: I placed third! Go congratulate the other winners ^^ You can find them (buried a little bit) in the lit section of :devladyincoln:'s latest journal!: [link]
Inspired by...
and, honestly, by a comment I wrote on this:
I did actually draw a background on which to put this. I decided, ultimately, that it would be better to submit to the contest in this form, but I did add the "full" version with drawing to my scraps. If you'd like to see it, you can go here:
I'm actually fairly pleased with this one. I'd still LOVE comments on it.
What do you think of the flow? Do you like the way I've used my line spacing?
I'm a bit worried about not adequately conveying the fact that they have fallen in love (THIS POEM TOTALLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME
) - did you get it? Not get it? I'm pretty sure I've gotten the "unexpected" bit down, but what about the love?
And what do you think of the apostrophe'd words? It began because I wanted to say "having a copper-scented breath," but realized that "copper-breathed" would say "breathing copper," and then I thought I'd play with it in "antler'd." Thoughts?
Any other comments or critiques are most welcome ^^ Thanks for reading!
Composed for
The Unexpected Love ContestHas someone special that you love surprised, delighted, or changed your life in an unexpected, but joyful way? I want to hear your stories.One of the best things about finding new love is the excitement and anticipation of the unknown. All of us at one time have felt that exhilarating feeling of unforeseen passion. I want for you to express to me in a poem or short story this unexpected feeling, and what it ultimately means to you. Be as vividly original as you can to make your deviation stand out, but do keep our key elements of what you feel the aspects of “unexpected love” entails as your primary motivation while writing.So Unexpected…
Your Submission Guidelines:
Your submissions must be new deviations entered after today. Please note all of your entries
I thought I'd go ahead and do something REALLY unexpected
Not really about monsters, obviously - it's a metaphor. But I thought a valentine contest could use a little darkness.EDIT: I placed third! Go congratulate the other winners ^^ You can find them (buried a little bit) in the lit section of :devladyincoln:'s latest journal!: [link]
Inspired by...
and, honestly, by a comment I wrote on this:
I did actually draw a background on which to put this. I decided, ultimately, that it would be better to submit to the contest in this form, but I did add the "full" version with drawing to my scraps. If you'd like to see it, you can go here:
I'm actually fairly pleased with this one. I'd still LOVE comments on it.
What do you think of the flow? Do you like the way I've used my line spacing?
I'm a bit worried about not adequately conveying the fact that they have fallen in love (THIS POEM TOTALLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME
) - did you get it? Not get it? I'm pretty sure I've gotten the "unexpected" bit down, but what about the love?And what do you think of the apostrophe'd words? It began because I wanted to say "having a copper-scented breath," but realized that "copper-breathed" would say "breathing copper," and then I thought I'd play with it in "antler'd." Thoughts?
Any other comments or critiques are most welcome ^^ Thanks for reading!
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