If you're interested, I've recorded a version being read aloud
You can download here: [link]Edit 2: Featured as a DLD on 12/31/2012. Thanks so much to ~shebledgreenink for featuring! Check out the others here: [link]Edit: Thanks to *Scarlettletters for the wonderful feature! [link]
The title is supposed to have accents in it: Santa Fé de Bogotá [which should be pronounced SAHnta Fey dey BohgohtAH]
Inspiration and soundtrack: [link]
Translated version:Simón Bolívar found you like an orchid.
I know that in your swelling city heart
you long for the sea, for the salt of the sea,
but instead you straddle the roads,
hunker down over your landscape and breathe
your car fumes, you breathe the smoke like shadows,
breathe unquiet calm.
Colombia, mother, you have become
bloated in your old age, have grown your
ankles, pale and swollen;
you should have been a sea lion,
brown and quick and cresting like the sea foam.
My soul, I will bring you the sea salt to run through your hair,
diamonds with which to crown your sea-mane.
Written for the theme "Bogota" for my 100 Poem Project
. Also written for the #theWrittenRevolution monthly prompt
using the wordmonachopsisn.
the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your society as a seal on a beach—lumbering, clumsy, easily distracted, huddled in the company of other misfits, unable to recognize the ambient roar of your intended habitat, in which you’d be fluidly, brilliantly, effortlessly at home.
(For similar words, see here: [link]
As you notice, I took some inspiration from the definition
I'm planning on recording myself reading this, because when I write in Spanish, I write for the sound. The other problem with writing in Spanish, is I'm really trying to write for native Spanish speakers, so I'm trying to make use of all the possible meanings of the words I've chosen, if that makes sense.
Perhaps a better way to say it is: translations are never perfect, and I write my Spanish poetry specifically to create spaces where meaning can grow between the original and the English translation. I therefore suggest that those of you who don't understand Spanish look at the original and the translated version together and try to figure out all the meanings the Spanish might have. (You can now download and listen to a reading of it on my sta.sh: [link]
Questions for critique:Spanish speakers - did I do it right???
Do you think the Spanish contributes to the piece? Are there places where it feels unnecessary?
What do you think of the repetition?
Do you like the sea lion imagery? Does it feel strong enough to you?
How well do you feel I've used the definition of the word?
Thanks for reading!
Critique for [link]