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Literature Text
Robin red-breast
sold his soul for a song,
cast a bundle of his scarlet feathers
on the forest floor.
The Devil stole the whole forest-full of birdsongs,
dressed them up with a bit of glitter
and holds them crumpled in his fists—
hostages for weary souls.
In a forest of silent throats
Robin red-breast sings with downcast eyes.
And I—
landspirit, windspirit am I—
running twig fingers through hair
red as fire,
I'll make ribbons of rose petals,
catch the clouds in a bucket
and make room for Robin red-breast
to nest in my branches.
I'll cut up the Devil
and I'll cut him up again,
release the wickedness
like cracking hazelnut shells,
burn up song-souls—
primroses and plague victims—
and scatter their ashes in the mountains
so their owners can find them again.
Lo—
the little red-breasted devil carries them to market
see him carry his wicker basket to market,
Old Robin red-breast—
Red-hooded and wolf-clawed both.
sold his soul for a song,
cast a bundle of his scarlet feathers
on the forest floor.
The Devil stole the whole forest-full of birdsongs,
dressed them up with a bit of glitter
and holds them crumpled in his fists—
hostages for weary souls.
In a forest of silent throats
Robin red-breast sings with downcast eyes.
And I—
landspirit, windspirit am I—
running twig fingers through hair
red as fire,
I'll make ribbons of rose petals,
catch the clouds in a bucket
and make room for Robin red-breast
to nest in my branches.
I'll cut up the Devil
and I'll cut him up again,
release the wickedness
like cracking hazelnut shells,
burn up song-souls—
primroses and plague victims—
and scatter their ashes in the mountains
so their owners can find them again.
Lo—
the little red-breasted devil carries them to market
see him carry his wicker basket to market,
Old Robin red-breast—
Red-hooded and wolf-clawed both.
Note: written for my 100 Poem Project!
I had SO MUCH FUN writing this one, you don't even know. The more I reread it, the more I like it, which is BAD, so I need your help
First of all, let me say that this piece was heavily inspired by the magnificent photograph by ~TheNightSheDied "burn our souls, release the wicked II"
[link]
You'll note I included slight modifications of the title in the poem. I really love the title, and wanted to hold on to it
Okay, SO: this piece was not COMPLETELY inspired by the photo, some of it was me
in the far left corner of the photo, there's a spot of red that made me think of a robin. And I had imps in there for a while, but then I didn't like that line and took it out. So there are no imps or fae creatures, sorry 
Anyway, questions for critique:
1) I'm not sure about some of the repetitions in there. As happens so often, I love just a DASH of sing-song, and this seemed like just the right sort of occasion for it ^^ Good/bad/yes/no?
2) I did actually attempt to create a sort of story with this piece. Does it make sense?
3) I COULD NOT RESIST A "LO"! It just felt right. So archaic constructions: "lo" and "windspirit am I" - do they work? Do you like them?
As usual, more general comments are always welcome. Thank you!
EDIT: Thank you SO MUCH to =LadyofGaerdon for featuring this piece as a DailyLitDeviation!!!
EDIT 2: I am also submitting this piece for theme 2 of the Improvement, Inspiration, and Criminality Contest.
I had SO MUCH FUN writing this one, you don't even know. The more I reread it, the more I like it, which is BAD, so I need your help
First of all, let me say that this piece was heavily inspired by the magnificent photograph by ~TheNightSheDied "burn our souls, release the wicked II"
[link]
You'll note I included slight modifications of the title in the poem. I really love the title, and wanted to hold on to it
Okay, SO: this piece was not COMPLETELY inspired by the photo, some of it was me
in the far left corner of the photo, there's a spot of red that made me think of a robin. And I had imps in there for a while, but then I didn't like that line and took it out. So there are no imps or fae creatures, sorry Anyway, questions for critique:
1) I'm not sure about some of the repetitions in there. As happens so often, I love just a DASH of sing-song, and this seemed like just the right sort of occasion for it ^^ Good/bad/yes/no?
2) I did actually attempt to create a sort of story with this piece. Does it make sense?
3) I COULD NOT RESIST A "LO"! It just felt right. So archaic constructions: "lo" and "windspirit am I" - do they work? Do you like them?
As usual, more general comments are always welcome. Thank you!
EDIT: Thank you SO MUCH to =LadyofGaerdon for featuring this piece as a DailyLitDeviation!!!
EDIT 2: I am also submitting this piece for theme 2 of the Improvement, Inspiration, and Criminality Contest.
Comments26
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactThis has SUCH a deliciously chilling flavor to it, even from the first stanza. It pulled me right in and didn't quite let me out again. I love how you've incorporated aspects of the photograph but at the same time made this story your own. With this it's not so much about the photograph itself, but rather what you see in the photograph, the places it causes your mind to travel to.
The repetitions are excellent. They make it seem much more stream-of-consciousness, which works well for this. The sing-song aspect comes through nicely as well, like some kind of twisted fairy tale.
I get the basic idea of the story, but I feel like I'm probably missing something. Though honestly, that is much more likely to be my fault than yours.
Yes, I like them! (the archaic constructions). I like such things in general and as I said, this work has a twisted fairy tale mentality to it, and so archaic constructions fit in quite well.
Brilliant work. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/h…" width="15" height="13" alt="
" title="Heart"/>