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For the performance, go here: [link]; not spectacular quality, but I used the tools I had. Headphones recommended!
Mature tag up for strong language (obviously), and the indication of sexual violence (not sure how apparent that is, though).
Autobiographical piece for the Louder Than dA Bomb Poetry Slam Contest. The theme is self-identity, and sad as it is, it's true that much of what I am today was formed by my experience of rape. It's been five years. I am older, stronger, and better, but I would not be as I am without it, and it has by no means left me unscarred.
FIRST EVER SLAM POEM SO HAVE MERCY but also give good critiques, please
Still need to record it (so perhaps it will be better in spoken form - I'm sure some of the rhythm looks/feels a little off as-is; admittedly I wrote this whole thing out in a paragraph rather than lines, so I kinda wasn't sure where to put them, for once).
So what do you think? How do you think I did on imagery? Flow? Does the direct-address work well? Do you like the way the tone changes? Are there any moments that seem superfluous to you?
All comments appreciated ^^
Mature tag up for strong language (obviously), and the indication of sexual violence (not sure how apparent that is, though).
Autobiographical piece for the Louder Than dA Bomb Poetry Slam Contest. The theme is self-identity, and sad as it is, it's true that much of what I am today was formed by my experience of rape. It's been five years. I am older, stronger, and better, but I would not be as I am without it, and it has by no means left me unscarred.
FIRST EVER SLAM POEM SO HAVE MERCY but also give good critiques, please
Still need to record it (so perhaps it will be better in spoken form - I'm sure some of the rhythm looks/feels a little off as-is; admittedly I wrote this whole thing out in a paragraph rather than lines, so I kinda wasn't sure where to put them, for once).So what do you think? How do you think I did on imagery? Flow? Does the direct-address work well? Do you like the way the tone changes? Are there any moments that seem superfluous to you?
All comments appreciated ^^
Comments13
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactThere's this word for a poem like this, it has three syllables. I think there are seven letters...I just can't think of...oh wait.
This is AMAZING.
Just reading this gave me shivers but hearing you read this piece upped the level tremendously. It just sounds SO GOOD I can't really put it into words.
Technique wise, the writing is beautiful. The repetition of questions and certain words punched me in the throat and the anger/intensity was perfect. This piece has everything you could ask for: imagery, metaphor, similes, has a story, makes the reader WANT to listen to it over and over again.
If I were you, I'd get into the spoken word circuit if you aren't already winning slams otherwise. The amount of ass you'd kick is staggering.