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Submitted on
January 4, 2013
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The Blue Mountains
have never worn their colour so well—
on their backs
I may lie down and feel
the pressing of ground against sky
and realise I ride their wingbones,
realise I witness the slow birth of new
Thunderbirds.

I breathe on wingbeats,
fill the cæsuras in the earth's phrases
with a strange music,
learn to see the hills and mountainscapes
as they are. I consult them
like tea leaves, become a flute
destined for their lips alone.

In winter, the way the tree-strands
along their tops look like lace:
old Grandfather Mountain
becomes his widow, doily-shrouded and mourning.
My songs, by spring, will bring the birds back to her hair.
OH, LUXURIOUS FREE VERSE, HOW I MISSED YOU!

Yeah. DFC '12 didn't end up finished, sadly. I will definitely keep those forms in mind for when I want to try one, but...

I'm so not a form person.

Wrote this after another trip to and from Asheville. Seriously, the Blue Mountains were bluer than I've ever seen them. I also can't claim total credit for that flute line. It was inspired by a song in the film Jodhaa Akbar.

British spellings in this were kinda for fun, kinda for the fact that they just FEEL right, somehow.

For critique:
What do you think of the imagery? Does it flow well?
Do you find there is enough of a narrative arc? Does the piece make sense?
How do you like the grammar/spelling/punctuation?

Thanks for reading! :D
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:iconarchelyxs:
Ah, this is lovely. :heart:
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:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Aww, thank you!! ^^
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:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! That means a lot :)
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:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Lovely! I live in Asheville, actually. You words suit her well.
Also, I totally feel you about DFC. I didn't finish either. Fun, but forms are so hard when you're true love is free verse.

To answer your questions:

What do you think of the imagery? Does it flow well?
Gorgeous and very fitting imagery. It flowed flawlessly.

Do you find there is enough of a narrative arc? Does the piece make sense?
Yes. It read like a snippet of time well-spent.

How do you like the grammar/spelling/punctuation?
It seemed very suitable, complementing the form.
Reply
:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, thank you so much! :D I ADORE Asheville. It's one of my favorite places. I'm glad I did her justice ;)
Reply
:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure! That you did. =D
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I miss that sight. :heart:
Reply
:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:

Thanks for the fave, hun.
Reply
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