literature

Mornings, From Both Sides

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AzizrianDaoXrak's avatar
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Literature Text

Mornings are not full circles without
a good argument, a good domestic
disagreement, a wholesome inter-
generational spat.


The opposite of age is not youth—
age has no opposite, it is simply a line
along which we become better at
telling the truth to ourselves,
at not lying to others;

children are all liars, whether they
realize it or not: Summer is a
wild girl and a liar, and her
Grandmother scolds her
every morning, insists
on the truth.

Summer, she thinks, is too much
a reader, too much a romance-
lover, gathering posies to
ring ‘round someone’s
rose heart.


And Grandmother: she’s been old
for too long; like the sun she
must have once been a child
but can’t remember.

Her sunflower-heart is shriveled,
Summer tells her, says it is
wrinkled and full of
greying seeds.


The grain of the kitchen table is a
complex current for eyes to
navigate; two ships,
estranged by
the tide.
Day 2 of NaPoWriMo 2013!!!

I don't think this one worked as well as the introductions. Doesn't feel very strong on the imagery, to me. Is the scene too awkward? Does it feel too forced? This one was tough. Trying to make it work in isolation AND as part of a larger whole was HARD. We'll see how I'm able to keep it up :)

Thoughts appreciated! Hope you enjoy ^^

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© 2013 - 2024 AzizrianDaoXrak
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SurrealCachinnation's avatar
Summer, she thinks, is too much
a reader, too much a romance-
lover, gathering posies to
ring ‘round someone’s
rose heart.


I REALLY like that stanza. It's cute. It really depicts childhood and how idealistic and dreamy kids can be.

But I agree, the introductions felt stronger. It doesn't feel awkward or forced to me, but it doesn't feel as unified. It reads more like prose to me. I think having the river to tie the characters together in the intros really helped with that--it's the kind of thing you see in epic poetry a lot. Something repetitive, that you keep going back to. This passage discusses age, and contrasts the child and her grandmother. I feel like they want to be foils. Maybe there's something they have in common that could be a strong symbol to include that brings them together in some way?