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Literature Text
María, María,
apóstola santa,
mía—
My confessor—
angel digging
talons
into my shoulder,
head full
of tangled copper wire,
winding roads
of electrical impulses
changing plus to minus
plus to minus…
Static
over the radio:
weather forecast,
flurries this evening—
furious violin songs
and a sleet
of broken horsehairs.
Synapse to synapse.
…
Pues si está el mal
en que los use una mujer,
pues ¿en qué está
el serlo yo ?
But no,
devils
we are not.
Oh, cannibal!
Take my heart
between your teeth!
Clutching forest skirts and
wickedly
offering a heartbreak smile,
hiding teeth like cliffs;
Give me
that sly smile again,
Lady.
There are no devils
In womanhood.
Only tangled string,
joining two paper cups
we stole from
the picnic last weekend,
and a twisted knot
of radio signals.
apóstola santa,
mía—
My confessor—
angel digging
talons
into my shoulder,
head full
of tangled copper wire,
winding roads
of electrical impulses
changing plus to minus
plus to minus…
Static
over the radio:
weather forecast,
flurries this evening—
furious violin songs
and a sleet
of broken horsehairs.
Synapse to synapse.
…
Pues si está el mal
en que los use una mujer,
pues ¿en qué está
el serlo yo ?
But no,
devils
we are not.
Oh, cannibal!
Take my heart
between your teeth!
Clutching forest skirts and
wickedly
offering a heartbreak smile,
hiding teeth like cliffs;
Give me
that sly smile again,
Lady.
There are no devils
In womanhood.
Only tangled string,
joining two paper cups
we stole from
the picnic last weekend,
and a twisted knot
of radio signals.
OH GOOD. More anti-God writings. This stupid class. The title deceived me: Women's Spirituality Across Cultures. Well it certainly is across cultures. BUT THEY'RE ALL CHRISTIANS! THAT'S NOT WHY I SIGNED UP FOR THIS CLASS! *sigh
Inspired by a line from a letter written by Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz to...well, its addressed to Sor Filotea, which is really the pseudonym of an asshole bishop who stabbed her in the back. This section (the other Spanish bit) says (in my own very lose translation, based off of the translation by Margaret Sayers Peden): Well, if the evil [of learning] is the result of the fact that a woman [studies], then what is the evil in my being a woman?
The first time I read it, I read "devil" by accident, and thus the title.
Also written based off this BEAUTIFUL photograph by ~MissDeb:
[link]
and FINALLY, written for #Writers-Workshop's Flash Fiction and Compressed Poetry Workshop. I thought I'd give it a go
Questions for critique:
How do the line breaks work out for this piece? I've never kept them all quite this short, and that is, of course, the point of the workshop
How do you like the Spanish? More pointlessness? I suppose I don't REALLY need it...
Imagery: how well does it flow? I'm nervous about how I wove some of the stuff together.
Again: repetitions - yes/no?
Thanks! All comments welcome!
EDIT: Also done for my 100 Poem Project
Inspired by a line from a letter written by Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz to...well, its addressed to Sor Filotea, which is really the pseudonym of an asshole bishop who stabbed her in the back. This section (the other Spanish bit) says (in my own very lose translation, based off of the translation by Margaret Sayers Peden): Well, if the evil [of learning] is the result of the fact that a woman [studies], then what is the evil in my being a woman?
The first time I read it, I read "devil" by accident, and thus the title.
Also written based off this BEAUTIFUL photograph by ~MissDeb:
[link]
and FINALLY, written for #Writers-Workshop's Flash Fiction and Compressed Poetry Workshop. I thought I'd give it a go
Questions for critique:
How do the line breaks work out for this piece? I've never kept them all quite this short, and that is, of course, the point of the workshop
How do you like the Spanish? More pointlessness? I suppose I don't REALLY need it...
Imagery: how well does it flow? I'm nervous about how I wove some of the stuff together.
Again: repetitions - yes/no?
Thanks! All comments welcome!
EDIT: Also done for my 100 Poem Project
Comments20
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Overall
Vision Originality
Technique Impactfirst off let me start off by saying that i really, really like this. the imagery really helps show what the poem is all about and creates a really interesting picture. i especially like these few lines:
"of electrical impulses
changing plus to minus
plus to minus…"
- it's a really clever idea. i also rather like how you had 'wickedly' (in the fourth stanza, i think?) all alone on the line; i love the emphasis that it creates.
however, after the "synapse to synapse" it seems almost to take on a little different style than the section before it - as if you wrote the first part, paused to mull it over, and continued; it doesn't flow quite as well, in my opinion, with the beginning of the piece. the "but no" seems a little too abrupt; i'm not quite sure why, but i'd suggest just having it say "no," instead, and remove the "no" from the next line so that 'devils' stands all on its own. in my opinion it might flow a little better that way and add emphasis to 'devils', which (as far as i gathered) is definitely an important part of the poem.
other than small parts where it doesn't flow quite as well, i like this poem a lot, especially the first and fourth stanzas. the only other thing i'd suggest is add something else in to add shock value and really pull the reader in, though i think it does that well enough as it is.
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/h…" width="15" height="13" alt="
" title="Heart"/>