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Literature Text
What a swiftness burns tonight
in my dancin' Hermes-feet,
I dream myself lucidly 'round the globe
feathered Midgard serpent of earth and air -
my feathers glitter blue and green
yet I am they that walk unseen.
Papa Legba waits for me in his rocking chair
with his cane between his knees
breathin' in the spiced bayou air
"off with your top hat now, let's hit the road -"
Granddaddy Morpheus kickin' up dirt
arms and legs flyin' every which-way
blues trumpets ringin' in my bones -
let my dreams whisk me away.
in my dancin' Hermes-feet,
I dream myself lucidly 'round the globe
feathered Midgard serpent of earth and air -
my feathers glitter blue and green
yet I am they that walk unseen.
Papa Legba waits for me in his rocking chair
with his cane between his knees
breathin' in the spiced bayou air
"off with your top hat now, let's hit the road -"
Granddaddy Morpheus kickin' up dirt
arms and legs flyin' every which-way
blues trumpets ringin' in my bones -
let my dreams whisk me away.
alright so this one's...strange lol
NaPoWriMo prompt ([link]) to write about something fast in only 5 minutes.
SO I attempted to write about dreams, and I produced this in under 5 minutes.
If your response is WHAT THE HELL? I totally understand, but I'm pleased cuz i finally got to work Papa Legba (my favorite Voodoo god) into a poem ^^ - what fun!
critique:
1. As per some critiques, I've added another mythological figure. Are they too obscure, or does the obscurity lend itself to the imagery of the poem?
2. do I need to make the poem a bit longer to artistically explain some of the imagery more?
3. Does the "vernacular" spelling of words work well?
4. NEW QUESTION: just edited the spacing a bit - does it work? flow well? etc???
5. further thoughts?
TWR critique: [link]
I had Simon and Garfunkel's 59th Street Bridge Song stuck in my head while writing this ^^
Thanks so much!
PS. As this was a fast poem, I kinda just jumped through all sorts of mythological references. if anyone is interested in knowing what I referenced (there's at least one hidden reference), or who a particular person/thing is, just ask!!! ^^
NaPoWriMo prompt ([link]) to write about something fast in only 5 minutes.
SO I attempted to write about dreams, and I produced this in under 5 minutes.
If your response is WHAT THE HELL? I totally understand, but I'm pleased cuz i finally got to work Papa Legba (my favorite Voodoo god) into a poem ^^ - what fun!
critique:
1. As per some critiques, I've added another mythological figure. Are they too obscure, or does the obscurity lend itself to the imagery of the poem?
2. do I need to make the poem a bit longer to artistically explain some of the imagery more?
3. Does the "vernacular" spelling of words work well?
4. NEW QUESTION: just edited the spacing a bit - does it work? flow well? etc???
5. further thoughts?
TWR critique: [link]
I had Simon and Garfunkel's 59th Street Bridge Song stuck in my head while writing this ^^
Thanks so much!
PS. As this was a fast poem, I kinda just jumped through all sorts of mythological references. if anyone is interested in knowing what I referenced (there's at least one hidden reference), or who a particular person/thing is, just ask!!! ^^
Comments26
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I can't quite put my finger on why I like this one so much. The imagery is incredibly vivid, and though normally I don't like slang speech or the dropping of g's - here it works really, really well.