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Literature Text
shouts across the kitchen table
asking myself
“how did she find us”
asking myself
“how did she grow up so fast
“how did he get through the fence”
childhood—
crushed thistle bushes in the garden
fox
in the garden
after dark
asking myself
“how did she find us”
asking myself
“how did she grow up so fast
“how did he get through the fence”
childhood—
crushed thistle bushes in the garden
fox
in the garden
after dark
NaPo day 5
Wanted to do something more minimalistic this time around, while still conveying an important aspect of the story.
How do you think the "action" bits of the poem work? Too forced?
How do you think the "thought bubble" bits of the poem work? Do they make sense?
Is there a better way to convey that the thoughts come from two different characters?
Is the piece too clunky as a whole?
Other thoughts?
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed ^^
Summer's Peculiar Adventures in the Real World, and What She Found There:
First: [link]
Previous: [link]
Next: [link]
Wanted to do something more minimalistic this time around, while still conveying an important aspect of the story.
How do you think the "action" bits of the poem work? Too forced?
How do you think the "thought bubble" bits of the poem work? Do they make sense?
Is there a better way to convey that the thoughts come from two different characters?
Is the piece too clunky as a whole?
Other thoughts?
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed ^^
Summer's Peculiar Adventures in the Real World, and What She Found There:
First: [link]
Previous: [link]
Next: [link]
© 2013 - 2024 AzizrianDaoXrak
Comments5
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I totally get it. I like the clunkiness of it. It isn't too much, but it gives a little bit of a disjointed feeling, and that's how thoughts are, particularly thoughts like this.
I'm really loving these, Azi!
I'm really loving these, Azi!